It has been a mad house around here lately! Saturday night my sister had to go to the hospital because she's been having contractions and her baby is not due until the beginning of March. So she had to drop the kids over here at one in the morning and she didn't get home from the hospital until seven Sunday morning. So we had to really get into gear to get ready for church after pretty much getting no sleep, and It was my time to teach as well. My mother had it much worse than I did though. We got home and my sister had to go back to the hospital. Long story short, she has been to hospital four times since Saturday. Thank heavens this is her LAST child! As much as I love her children- IT NEEDS TO BE THE LAST ONE!!!

My lungs are killing me! The air quality has been so horrible, I sound like an old man with my nasty cough. I should just go to the doctor already. Well I am super excited for our trip to the Bed and Breakfast tomorrow night for my birthday! At the same time, I really, really, really hate leaving my baby! I miss her so much when we are apart. My momma takes good care of her, but I still hate it.

I am not sure where I want to go out to dinner yet. We haven't been eating out as much and It's not as appealing to me anymore. So far just from that I have lost 6lbs! I've been cooking every single meal for us and my parents too! I mean I am kind of proud of myself because I haven't been obsessing like I usually do and before If I gained an ounce I would freak out! But I've been very careful to not be so hard on myself and not let it take over my life.

It's been making it so much easier on me. I have found a new confidence in myself and not because of the lost pounds, but because I am learning to love myself for the person I am and focus on my good qualities, because there are more good ones than bad. I just tend to always focus on the bad.

I am trying to learn how to be comfortable with saying that I am beautiful. That is one of the hardest things I have to do(yeah I know I should be so lucky if that is my only problem in life,right). My husband has said to me recently that every week I have someone, even strangers, tell me how beautiful I am or give me a compliment on my skin, hair, eyes, lips, smile, or what have you, and I just cannot get it through my head! It's so frustrating to him that I just cannot accept it.

Since I became a mom I have just kind of stopped being so concerned about those things and just really focused on my spirituality and raising my daughter to not be vain and to not be more concerned with her outward appearance more than her faith or how she treats others. And I know that a huge part of how she develops these qualities are by her parents examples.

And I want to be a great example for her. But I also realize that this is a part of my healing process. I don't want her to be shallow, worldly or vain, but I don't ever want her to question her worth or her beauty-inside or out either. So having her hear her mother say, 'ugh, I am hideous and fat!' is not a healthy example. My being more concerned with being healthy rather than being a size 2, and my learning how to love myself is a much better way to be a better example for my girl. I owe it to her and to myself.